Bladeless Swiss Army Knives

What next, after progressives have progressed to making us safe by confiscating all firearms? Ask the people who make Swiss army knives:

For more than a century, the Swiss army knife has been an essential piece of kit for everyone from picnickers and equestrians, to golfers and astronauts.

But now the maker of the pocket-knife, with its red or blue shell and multiple tools, has bowed to what an English judge last week called the “plague of knife crime” by designing a new range without blades.

The plague of knife crime was mainly caused by mass Third World immigration combined with a population that has been disarmed by its leftist rulers, rendering it vulnerable to attack. A little old lady can defend herself with a gun, but where there are only knives, lowlifes have the advantage. After knives too have been confiscated, authorities will take steps to protect the public from the plague of blunt instrument crimes.

In response to an increasing number of countries imposing bans or restrictions on carrying knives, Victorinox, the Swiss firm that produces the pocket tools, is in the early stages of developing the first range of bladeless products designed specifically for activities where a blade would not be required.

Spoons are still allowed for now, until it is discovered that they can be used to gouge out people’s eyes.

Maybe they should make Swiss army forks — because when a society does not trust itself with pocketknives, you can stick a fork in it.

On a tip from WDS 2.0.

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