British Army Facebook Warrior Exposes Dark Underbelly of Modern Battlefield

In January this year the British Army established 77th Brigade, an elite Cyber Warfare unit dedicated to confronting the ‘modern battlefield’ of social media.

The unit is shrouded in secrecy and speculation, but one brave ‘Facebook Warrior’ with 77th Brigade has come forward to blow the whistle on their shady operations.

He spoke in earnest desperation, with the glazed, distant expression of a scarred soul.

“I used to drag corpses from burning landrovers, but now I teach furious UKIP interns the difference between ‘there’ and ‘their’. Dark days.

“The fifth time I accused a centimetre square image of Ernie from the Muppets of being a nazi libtard shill-minge I thought, ‘Where’s the humanity?’

“Someone kept begging me to like their page. A page about them. With their own fucking name as the title. This is why we’re not given cyanide.

“It’s not easy being an undercover government agent. No YOU’RE an undercover government agent!! Sorry, force of habit.

“We’re given daily quotas to hit; call Dr Who a paedo, create a vacuous meme suggesting Morpheus from the Matrix wants your opinion on farm subsidies, and use all the major logical fallacies in a debate about gluton.

“Pleading to authority isn’t a logical fallacy. Albert Einstein said that.

“On my break I started an intense romantic relationship with another Facebook user called Nim Piang Sumasun. Turns out it was me with a different profile. I had to break it off, but sometimes I think I could have been the one.

“We lost seven good men to a bombardment of requests to play Farm Heroes Saga.

“You weren’t there, man”.